


i wish you liked boys

by kyuniverse



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Love Confessions, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, based on conan gray's heather, jacob isn't, sangyeon is str8, why is drunk kiss not a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:02:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24530482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyuniverse/pseuds/kyuniverse
Summary: three times jacob's heart fluttered because of sangyeon, and the one time he finally acted on it.
Relationships: Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Lee Sangyeon
Comments: 5
Kudos: 52





	i wish you liked boys

**_i._**  
jacob hardly falls in love. he's not the type of person to immediately swoon over someone just after meeting them. in his twenty two years of living, he has only fell in love two times.

he hardly falls in love. but when he does fall, he falls _hard_.

those two times each lasted for a few years. both of them turned out unsuccessful, and it made jacob's eyes red and puffy for weeks. love for him only causes heartbreak, and he's so glad he hasn't fallen in love with someone for years now.

until he moved to korea.

when he was a trainee, jacob met someone that changed something inside him. when he first set foot in cre.ker, sangyeon was the first person who welcomed him to the company. he was jacob's first friend, and he always made sure jacob is comfortable especially when he just transferred from another country. sangyeon was different from the other people jacob have met. he was the most caring person, and he helped jacob adjust to his new life. jacob is confident when he says everything about sangyeon is just perfect. he _is_ perfect. before he knew it, jacob has fallen again. _hard._

it's december 3rd. the group is preparing for their debut. one last practice before they go to bed, they played a game of rock-paper-scissors. the loser has to go to the nearest store and buy ice cream for the whole group, even if it's already 2 am and it's freezing outside.

changmin ended up losing, but jacob knew that the younger has no more energy to walk, not with how hard he practiced to make sure the dance is perfect, so he volunteered to buy it himself.

"let me go with you." sangyeon stood up, giving him a smile. it was cold, but jacob can feel himself warming up.

they walked side by side in the pavement. the moon shines brightly at the two boys. there's nothing but crickets and the constant barking of the neighborhood dogs heard in the background and the both of them isn't speaking a word. it was quiet between the two of them, but it was comfortable. jacob shivered from time to time because of the cold night. sangyeon's sudden action a while ago made him flustered and shock, and he forgot to wear his coat because of it.

he rubbed his hands together, and sangyeon must have noticed it. jacob watched in shock when sangyeon suddenly wore off his gray sweater and handed it to him.

"here."

"what?"

"wear it." sangyeon grabbed both of his hands (they were warm) and placed the sweater in jacob's hands. "you're shivering."

"it's fine, gyeon." jacob tried returning the sweater, but the older doesn't want to accept it.

"it's either you wear the sweater or both of us won't wear it."

jacob sighed. there's no point resisting. he wore the gray sweater and sighed at the warm feeling. his cheeks flushed when he smelled sangyeon's apple scent in the sweater.

"it looks better on you." sangyeon smiled.

jacob looked away, flustered. "thanks."

"no problem." jacob jumped in surprise when he felt a hand lace itself on his right hand. he looked at sangyeon, shocked, but the older was just staring ahead as they walk to the store.

he bit the inside of his cheeks. _stop making me fall for you harder than i already have._

**_ii._**  
jacob is always deemed the mother of the group because of his gentle and caring personality. he was used to the members coming to him, either asking for advice or wanting to cuddle with him. jacob likes hugging the members as if they were his children. he feels so warm and secured whenever his limbs are tangled with another's. he is so used to the feeling of another person's body pressed on him, but somehow, whenever sangyeon goes to hug him, he still feels tensed and surprised.

"cob-ah." sangyeon called, and jacob lets out a hum in response. he can't face him, not with how he's still cooking the maknae line's lunch for school.

"can i ask you something?"

"about?"

"this is awkward." jacob hears clothes shuffling behind him, and he took a peak to see sangyeon rubbing the back of his neck, cheeks flushed as if he's shy. "you know what, nevermind."

"what is it about? you can ask me anything, hyung."

nothing can be heard except the clanking of jacob's whisk in the glass bowl. he patiently waited for sangyeon to answer, letting the older take his time.

he gasped softly when he felt a body press against him. his grip on the whisk softened when he realized that sangyeon is hugging him. _from behind._ the older's arms are wrapped around his waist, and his head is resting at the back of jacob's neck.

"h-hyung?"

"i need someone right now."

jacob pressed his lips. he stopped mixing the eggs and turned to sangyeon. the older looks tired, more exhausted as usual, so he held his hand.

"do you want to talk about it?"

"but you're still cooking —"

"i can ask juyeon to continue. he's already awake."

sangyeon lets out a smile that made jacob's heart do a little tumble inside. it did more than a tumble when sangyeon wrapped his arms around him again, this time in front of him. he felt the older bury his head in the crook of jacob's neck.

it made jacob tensed. that's the effect sangyeon has on him. no matter how many times they hug or hold hands, it always feels like it's the first time they're doing it.

"thank you, jacob." sangyeon whispered against his skin. jacob can feel the older's breath, it made him shiver. "i just really need comfort from a friend right now."

**_iii._**  
may 30th. jacob's birthday.

the members brought out lots of food and alcohol for them to devour for the whole night. it was supposed to be a celebration for jacob's birthday, but it turned out as a babysitting session for him with how almost half of the members are drunk.

jacob has low tolerance in alcohol, so he didn't bother drinking. sangyeon, however, drank. _many bottles._ even if his tolerance in alcohol is low as well.

jacob looked at him, the only person still lying on the sofa. he already made everyone go to bed, and now it's sangyeon's turn to get tucked in.

he walked closer and sat down at the spot beside the older. "hyung." he nudged him, and sangyeon only let out a groan. "hyung, time to go to bed."

sangyeon's head shifted, making him face jacob. jacob gulped when he became face to face with sangyeon's sleepy face. he's drunk, yet he still looks handsome in jacob's eyes. sangyeon's cheeks are flushed pink, and it honestly made him more adorable in jacob's eyes. jacob's gaze went down on sangyeon's shiny lips, and he gulped. he felt a sudden fire burn inside him, urging him to kiss the drunk man in front of him.

he fought the urge, because it is wrong. it's very wrong. sangyeon is drunk, and he doesn't wanna take advantage of the situation. he don't want to taint the friendship he and sangyeon have just because he can't resist kissing the lips of the man in front of him.

but what's the point of fighting the urge, when sangyeon's large hands placed themselves on both of jacob's cheeks. jacob watched in awe as sangyeon pulled himself to him, and suddenly, jacob felt a pair of lips meet with his.

sangyeon is kissing him, and jacob felt his heart burst. he has been dreaming of this day, the day he gets to taste sangyeon's lips. he thought it was impossible, and he can only dream, but here he is, kissing their leader. sangyeon tasted like beer, bitter and bad, but jacob doesn't care. the only important hing right now is he's kissing sangyeon. he got caught up in the moment, wrapping his arms around the older's neck.

_did he kiss me because... he likes me too?_

friends don't just kiss each other on the lips, unless they have something going on between them. jacob knows that, but he can't help it. the kiss got deeper, messier, _hungrier_ , until jacob felt sangyeon stop. he opened his eyes, and found sangyeon passed out.

_oh._

_he kissed me,_ he bit his lip. _because he's drunk._

◇◇◇

it's funny. jacob expected something to happen the next morning when he woke up, a confession, probably. or a deep talk regarding the kiss that they shared last night, but nothing extraordinary happened.

"good morning, cob." sangyeon's hoarse voice greeted him from the dining table, filled with members eating something that kevin made to cure their hangovers. "i'm sorry you had to take care of us last night."

jacob stared at him, searching for any signs that he remembers everything that happened last night. surely there's some bits of memory about the kiss, right? or did he forgot all about it? was he even conscious when he kissed jacob?

"sit, hyung!" sunwoo tapped the vacant seat beside him. "there's pancake and grilled cheese!"

his gaze never left sangyeon even if he sat on the chair, which was coincidentally in front of sangyeon. even if the older is already focused on his food, jacob kept looking at him.

"do you need something, cobbie?" sangyeon asked him when he noticed the younger's gaze.

jacob smiled and shook his head. "nothing."

his heart dropped. sangyeon can't just kiss him and act like nothing happened.

he bit his lip. _stop doing things that only raise my hopes._

**_iv._**  
angels can be impatient too. they might have the patience of a saint, but it isn't infinite. they can grow tired of waiting, like jacob.

_he's gonna do it._ he's really going to do it. he's gonna confess and tell sangyeon his three-years-long worth of feeling the moment the older goes home.

it was cold in the dorms. eric broke their heater, forcing them to endure the winter-like temperature. jacob already has two layers of clothing with him, yet his hands can't stop sweating.

anyone can tell that he is nervous. and he is. he's about to confess to his friend that he sees him as more than just a friend, and it can either break or take their relationship to the next level. it's a huge risk, but jacob is willing to take the risk. he has been silent for three years, and it's about time to act on his feelings and speak up. he can't imagine not being with sangyeon.

_even if he isn't even sure if sangyeon likes him back._

"oh, sangyeon-hyung! you're back early?"

a smile appeared on jacob's face as he stood up and looked excitedly at the door, where sangyeon is currently taking out his shoes.

his smile dropped when he noticed a smaller figure behind him. blonde, petite, pretty. it was a girl, who jacob knows he has never met. a girl who he is sure is not a part of sangyeon's family. he noticed the gray sweater the girl is wearing; it was the same sweater sangyeon lent him a few months ago. the sweater that sangyeon said looks better on jacob. his gaze fell at sangyeon's and the unknown stranger's hands. they're intertwined, holding each other tightly as if they've been doing it for years.

_who is she?_

jacob watched as sangyeon slung an arm around the girl's shoulder. whispers and gasps were heard from the members.

"her name is hwayoung." sangyeon introduced her, a bright smile playing on his face. he looks proud, according to the loving gaze he throws at the girl.

_"my girlfriend."_

it was cold in the dorms, and jacob can feel it. he starts feeling cold; starts to shiver as he looks at the couple in front of him.

hwayoung is in one of the chairs, entertaining the members' questions, while sangyeon is beside her, staring at her fondly as if hwayoung is the only beautiful thing he can see.

sangyeon is _mesmerized._ and who wouldn't be? the girl looks like an angel, a very pretty lady that jacob knows is even prettier than chanhee. she laughs at hyunjae's joke, and jacob smiled bitterly.

even her laugh is pretty too.

jacob can tell that she is much better than him, from just one look at her. he's nowhere as pretty as her, nowhere as gentle as her, nowhere as delicate as he; like how he is nowhere near as her in sangyeon's heart.

he wants to hate her, jacob badly wants to, but he can't. he can't hate her, not with how angelic she is and how she makes sangyeon so, so happy. jacob has never seen sangyeon smile like that whenever he is with him.

he felt his stomach churn and his heart break. there are no tears threatening to fall, yet jacob knows that he is crying inside.

he bit his lip. the scene in front of him is too much. _it's such a sight for sore eyes._ he might melt because of jealousy and bitterness if he keeps watching them. the more he keeps his gaze, the more his heart breaks.

he excused himself, acting like he's suddenly not feeling well. sangyeon looked at him worryingly, muttered an _are you okay?_ and he nodded, smiling bitterly as he assured the older that he is okay.

even if he actually isn't.

he went to his shared room with sangyeon and locked the door. burying himself on the bed, the tears that weren't present before starts to fall one by one. jacob can feel his pillow getting wet, but he doesn't mind; it's the least of his priorities. what matters right now is to release everything he is feeling right now.

_insecurities._ the girl is clearly a hundred times better than him.

_bitterness._ they look so happy and so good together.

_regrets._ he could have been the one in hwayoung's position if only he confessed early.

_heartbreak._ all the things sangyeon did to him actually means nothing at all.

he looked up, only to come face to face with the picture frame placed in the table. it was a picture of him and sangyeon when they went to paris, when sangyeon asks him to accompany him to the eiffel tower alone. where sangyeon did nothing but cling to him all the time, that made jacob think that maybe, _just maybe,_ sangyeon likes him too.

he winced when he tasted the metallic taste of blood in his mouth. he has been biting his lips for too long to the point that they already bled.

_why did you act like you like me?_

_why did you made my heart flutter so many times?_

_why did you even kissed me?_

_when all of these actually means nothing to you._

_when all these time you don't like me back._

_when all these time you only see me as nothing but a friend._

_you can't act like you like me, and proceed on leaving me with my hopes up._

he rolled on his bed and looked at the ceiling.

_i wish you look at me the same way you look at her._

_i wish you smile at me the same way you smile whenever you're with her._

_i wish you love me the same way you love her._

_i wish i was her._

_i wish i was hwayoung._

_i wish you liked boys._

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: @nyuthings


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